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How do u no if someone is Lying???
May 16, 2005
10:57 am
Rasputin
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Hi-- I met my only g/f over this week-end -who is suffering from Depression - while I was shopping. I approached her and greeted her. After some friendly talk with her, I asked her if she was suffering from depression. She said no - without looking me in the eye. Usually when she talks with me, she looks me square in the eye.

Do you think my friend is lying? I know from Dr. Phil's TV show, that when people do not look us square in the eye, they are lying.

What do you think? What are the tell tale signs of Lying??? Thanks!

May 16, 2005
11:05 am
CAMER
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HI Rasp, i was going to say the same thing...not looking someone in the eye....and also maybe alot of fidgeting. Maybe your friend just felt self conscious about her possible depression.

May 16, 2005
11:19 am
Rasputin
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Thanks so much Camer! I remember Dr. Phil also mentioned that people scrach when they lie.

So We have 3 signs so far:

- No looking the person in the eye.

- Fidgetting.

- Scraching their head, skin, or face.

Any other signs guys???

May 16, 2005
11:29 am
sewunique
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rapid pulse, increased breaths, voice quivers

May 16, 2005
11:31 am
sewunique
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according to the Scott Peterson case; they found when interviewed his tone of voice dropped when telling his lie

May 16, 2005
11:33 am
coddi
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For me touching consistently their face is a sign, sometimes is for insecurity because they are not certain of what they are saying. Sometimes you have to observe the entire frame. My bf for example has the "ability" to lie while looking directly at your eyes, I kwow he is liying because I used other means. By the way another sign: in his case his heartbeat increase a lot when he is caugth up on some lie, I get close to him and almost feel it without even touching him.

May 16, 2005
11:48 am
petitefour
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Another big one for me was over explaining or repeating the reason or answer too many times, getting defensive, yelling, getting very agitated at the smallest thing.

The eye shifting or no eye is a BIG one, though!

May 16, 2005
12:25 pm
sewunique
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Oh, I made a mistake, the breathing gets shallow, not rapid.

So I went online to find some tips.

This one is for the guys:
There are a number of signs you want to look for when a woman is lying :

Skin color changes - either flushes or gets pale
Eyes dart around, won't look you directly in the eye when they were doing it comfortably before, pupils dilate
Increased blinking
Touches/rubs herself
Lowers her head
Turns her body away from you when her shoulders were square to yours before
Her mouth gets dry
Breathing gets shallow or she holds her breath and rapid indicating an increased heartbeat
She starts playing with something she's holding like a drink or her purse
She crinkles up her nose or touches her face
She tightens her lips or clenches her jaw
Of course, just one of these signals can't be used as an indication of anything. You need at least 3 or more of them together or rapidly following one another.

The only way to really get good at this is to practice watching her. However, you need to know when she's lying (you know the truth and she doesn't know that you know it), and to see what "tells" she uses specifically. She might use others not included in this list.

Can't remember the site I got this from; just google in 'how to tell if someone is lying'. It was a men's site.

May 16, 2005
12:50 pm
CODA_Mom
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From p4:

...getting defensive, yelling, getting very agitated at the smallest thing...

These are all sure-fire ways of telling if your teen is lying, at least in my experience.

Just a comment, have to be careful with the "no eye contact" one, some cultural groups think direct eye contact is a sign of rudeness or disrespect.

In answer to your question, Rasputin, it sure sounds as if your friend was upset about something but is not telling you what. Could be that she wasn't depressed, maybe angry or hurt. One of my daughters gets like that when she's mad at me, she gets sulky and I have to play "13 questions" to find out what I did wrong, it's like eating dirt over and over.

Have fun, Ras, (((hugs))),

CM

May 16, 2005
1:52 pm
kathygy
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Its possible that she's not aware that she's depressed. On the other hand, she might feel ashamed about being depressed and therefore didn't look you in the eyes. Depression itself can cause isolation. Is there any other reason you are concerned about you girlfriend lying?

May 16, 2005
2:07 pm
foreverpleasing
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I have had the displeasure of finding my spouse lying.
I concure on the no eye contact.
The anger displayed when you know the truth and they are confused how you found out the truth.
AND third the figiting ...biting the lip or fingernails.
These are all tell tell signs something is wrong.

May 16, 2005
3:43 pm
artist 2
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If a person is confronted with a dirty deed, and they are overly defensive in their denial, they are most likely lying.

May 17, 2005
10:54 am
lollipop3
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I'm not so sure about the physical signs of lying, however, in my experience, I do know one thing.....

if it doesn't make sense, it's generally not true!

May 17, 2005
11:21 am
Rasputin
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Thank you all for your responses and feedback.

Sew - yes I found that site. Thank you.

Kathygy - I am concerned about my friend's depression. Her face reveals it. She is someone who wears her heart on her sleeves. I think she was self-conscious when I asked her that question, she did not mean to lie. Though I know that some depressed people might prefer isolation, I know and have seen many depressed people participating in many activities, while maintaining a clever mask behind their depression that you can hardly diffrentiate them from other healthy people.

lollipop - when I read your post, I cracked up. Many things do not make sense, yet they are part of our life!!! How can you explain this?
ROFL

May 17, 2005
11:32 am
lollipop3
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Rasputin,

It's very easy to explain. Unfortunately, if you've had as much experience with liars as I've had, you find that they contradict themselves all the time. I have a finely honed ability to remember details that most liars don't have and given enough time and enough details they usually trip themselves up.

I've been told many, many times that I should have been an investigator or a lawyer because of the way my mind works. Hell, even my counselor said it to me.

Most things if life do make sense if we take the time to understand them....so I stand by my statement....if it doesn't make sense, it's generally not true.

May 17, 2005
12:32 pm
Rasputin
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lollipop,

Thank you so much for your wisdom and insight. You know, I've had a lightbulb illumination that you are so right on!!!

when it does not make sense, it is probably a lie!!! Wow what a discovery.

Although life is in and out of itself does not make sense. I am laughing right now again.

Thanks again sweetie,

(((HUGS)))

May 17, 2005
12:39 pm
lollipop3
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I'm glad I could help.

Believe me, my current b/f is a recovering liar and I swear to God the reason he is trying to get help is because he was just plain defeated. LOL

I think he found it easier to tell the truth than to deal with "yeah but, last week you said...", "I thought you said...." , " no actually what you said was...."

It was kind of fun sometimes.....LOL

May 17, 2005
2:06 pm
sewunique
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If it doesn't make sense, it must not be true, you said. lollipop3. So perhaps in some of these relationships we share here, that is what is going on?

If the story changes, just doesn't seem to stack up, then maybe there is more to the whole story? I am thinking also, when a guy avoids talking about something or is not up front about something, that there is more to it or to him than meets the eye?

Then of course, there is the avoiding contacting you any more, sort of the disappearing act? I am beginning to see more clearly that when these relationships have such huge flaws to them and you are trying to deal with a relationship that is just not quite right in working out, that it is best to let go of the entire thing. I think the hard part is we all want to know what really is beneath the surface of these people. Sometimes, you just never knw, but you can pretty much guess.

It takes practice and finally you can see the red flags quicker and get out of the situation easier in letting it go for your own well being. Just my view on it all in trying to sort out so many things. Bottom line, I think we have to think what are our boundaries, needs and values. Don't settle for less than you desrve, once you do, you are ...can't remember the rest of the phrase?

May 17, 2005
2:06 pm
sewunique
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If it doesn't make sense, it must not be true, you said. lollipop3. So perhaps in some of these relationships we share here, that is what is going on?

If the story changes, just doesn't seem to stack up, then maybe there is more to the whole story? I am thinking also, when a guy avoids talking about something or is not up front about something, that there is more to it or to him than meets the eye?

Then of course, there is the avoiding contacting you any more, sort of the disappearing act? I am beginning to see more clearly that when these relationships have such huge flaws to them and you are trying to deal with a relationship that is just not quite right in working out, that it is best to let go of the entire thing. I think the hard part is we all want to know what really is beneath the surface of these people. Sometimes, you just never knw, but you can pretty much guess.

It takes practice and finally you can see the red flags quicker and get out of the situation easier in letting it go for your own well being. Just my view on it all in trying to sort out so many things. Bottom line, I think we have to think what are our boundaries, needs and values. Don't settle for less than you desrve, once you do, you are ...can't remember the rest of the phrase?

May 17, 2005
2:20 pm
lollipop3
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I can give an example of what I mean.

My current b/f and I have been together for 3 years. He was always very evasive about certain things which made me suspicious. I believe that people don't behave that way unless they have something to hide and if my partner is hiding something, I want to know what it is.

I always knew in my gut something wasn't right but didn't know what. Every time I would ask he would tell contradicting stories and try to talk circles around me (a confuse tactic that liars use, but unfortuntely for him I'm a little to smart for that) Basically, they talk in circles hoping you'll get frustrated and give up..

To make a long story short about a month ago, the truth came out....he has a child that he never told me about (actually he lied about, because I asked him if he had kids years ago and he said no)

We are working through it and
we are now in counseling and our relationship seems stronger than it
has ever been.

My point to this story is that...I knew he was lying. The stories he was telling just didn't jive and again, in my experience....with few excepions, the truth makes sense and lies generally don't.

May 17, 2005
2:35 pm
sewunique
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Thanks for giving more clarity and insight into this, lollipop3. It makes more sense. My recent ex, a dry drunk as they say, who has not drank in 23 years, but seeks no help, I found out he was lying about many things over the yeras. Big lies, like our finances and soft porn behavior with other girls (he cheated in a way). The lies and the behavior of finding out about him was so revealing that it broke our marrigae, only a part of it,, but a hug part of it. You must have honesty in a relationship for it to survive.

But this lying behavior I now see more clearly in the past dating episodes I have had where things did not add up. It just makes more sense now. Thanks for all this you shared.

I so agree, that avoidance is something to be concerned about. Omission of the truth is a lie as well.

Counseling is great for you guys. At least you are trying to work on a problem. If half the perople would at least work on the problems, we would have a better success rate of relationships staying together. Best wishes in your working thru it!!!

May 17, 2005
3:27 pm
lollipop3
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Sew,

I'm glad I helped and thank you for the good wishes.

lollipop

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