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How do I make myself care again?
March 3, 2009
2:09 pm
Anonymous
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Ok, sorry for the serial posting but I really am just trying to get through this time right now. Sometimes when I get so numb, I just don't care anymore.

Times like this make it a mission just to eat. I'm forcing myself to take a walk in a bit. What else can I do afterwards to help get me out of this, if only for a few hours so I can do homework!!!
Thanks

March 3, 2009
2:48 pm
Zebra
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WalkAway,

I am glad you are going for a walk. Try some cleaning as well. DO your homework...very important.

Yes times are hard, but you can do it. Post here and know you are not alone in your journey.

with love, Z

March 3, 2009
2:50 pm
CAMER
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do some good reading, Codependent no more....Women who love too much....i bet you'll relate to some of the stuff. Keep loving yourself, put yourself as first priority...instead of putting others first. Take steps to a healthier, happier you!!

March 3, 2009
3:07 pm
Anonymous
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Z - yes I know but I keep doing it all wrong ;( Focus is so not there. I am very smart with it usually, I don't understand why I'm so apathetic towards it suddenly.

Camer - BTDT lol. I have been doing a little bit of re-reading, I can honestly say I really don't have the codependence issues anymore. For awhile I swung to the other side of the scale and was only helping myself, now I have a bit more balance in that area.

I had a night filled with night sweats and flashbacks so didn't get much rest either. That can drive one mad too. I'm just going to ride it out and do what I can and try not to beat myself up over it. Therapy in a week. Surfing tomorrow (its a physical ed class I am taking woohoo).

March 3, 2009
3:54 pm
Zebra
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Walkaway,

I am proud of you for taking that surfing class and re-reading. I know sometimes it is hard to stay focused or get re-focused. You can do it by telling yourself to do positive things for you.

I to go in and out of the focus and get side tracked. Of course, we are going to go backwards some times, the best part is that we can catch ourselves now and regroup.

Hang in there...you can do it. Stay strong.

With love, Z

March 3, 2009
4:18 pm
Anonymous
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Thank you very much. It helps. I'm so busy beating myself up I don't have energy to move on. I have a hard time admitting to anyone close to me that it still affects me so much. Everyone thinks I'm done with it but I'm not. But they aren't safe to talk about all that happened with because they don't know how to be supportive in that way. My friends I can, but they have their own lives to live too. My family just says really stupid stuff back because they are ignorant and buy into the myths of r*pe and dv.

I really just wanted to give up, but I'm not going to.

March 3, 2009
4:47 pm
all4me
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Walk Away,

I live in a house full of people that have no clue how much I am affected my the rise and fall of this relationship. I struggle to get out of bed most days let alone smile. They are so sick of hearing me talk about "him" that I would not even feel comfortable talking to them anymore. However, I also have to monitor how much time I spend on this computer. Right now, I am looking for some other outlet like dancing to get me out of the house. What kind of hobbies do you like?

ME

March 3, 2009
5:09 pm
Anonymous
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ME - I do lots of water activities, the beach, swimming, walks along the coast, etc. I am actually pretty good about getting out there all things considered. I never talk about it at all with my family members and really never have except for the few attempts I feel the urge to do on occasion. They just aren't safe people to talk about this stuff with, doesn't make them bad or anything.
It's just a few times a year I get this crash of flashbacks, nightmares, night sweats, hyper alertness, and its very hard to leave the house. I do what I have to do for my son to take care of him and that is usually all I get through. I just hate wasting my life like this even if it is for a few weeks out of the year... I know I could have it worse, but I have put the work in and continue to do so. I just feel so hopeless and out of control when I can't stop the flashbacks and recurrent night sweats ;(

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