September 30, 2010
I dont know why, but i am finding myself at a war with my words. Lately, i have learnt that people take seriously what i say. I grew up in a family where everybody's feelings belonged to them, and no one cared about the other. But now i have found that i hurt people unintentionally because i say words thinking they wouldn't take them seriously but they do. I need help. How do i get over my 'bad habit', how do i learn to express my self and risk to be vulnerable again?
September 30, 2010
Hey Courage -
Have you ever tried to talk to a professional counsellor? They can help you. Also, I would suggest you buy a journal and write down all you feelings, past baggages, when you're feeling down etc. Journalling our feelings is very therapeutic.
Talking with a trustworthy friend can be very helpful as well.
(((Hugs))) and welcome to this site!
September 24, 2010
I'm not sure I understand it when you say that you were raised in a family where their feelings were their own and nobody cared about other's.
Do you mean that you typically are sarcastic and don't "mean it" but find people take it seriously?
My ex used to be very sarcastic and biting with his words. And it was hard to "understand" him. It was also painful, cuz I never knew when he was serious and when he was joking.
and in all reality, often sarcasm has truth hidden in it, and the user simply doesn't want to be straight forward with their words, so they hide them in sarcasm...and if the receiver gets upset, they can then backpedal and say they didn't mean it...when in all reality, they did.
My ex got a good dose of his own medicine, when I used some biting sarcasm on my young daughter...he said he wanted to hit me for being so "mean" to her...I then turned around and asked him how everyone else around him should feel, cuz that was EXACTLY how he talks to everyone, every day.
Again, I don't understand what you mean about saying words you don't mean and having people take them seriously...my question would be - if you don't mean them, then WHY say them????? Say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it mean is my motto.
Also, know that sarcasm is a cover up for serious insecurity issues. Many times the best stand up comedians are the most insecure ones. The class clown usually has low self esteem too.
Basically, the general advice I can give you, without knowing more, is to learn to say what you mean, and ONLY say what you mean...so that people know you are serious about what you say. Sometimes you will still hurt feelings, and the best you can do is try to come to an understanding and make the person know that you were only being honest, and didn't mean to hurt feelings. In the end, you are NOT responsible for someone else's feelings...your family WAS right about that. But that doesn't give you free reign to hurt feelings either.
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