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Help I can't stop cheating !!!!

UserPost

1:54 am
March 24, 2001


Sabor

New Member

posts -1

I have been in a relationship for 6 years now …

He is a Great Man I really do Love him. I have no idea why I am forever cheating on him.
I started doing this about 3 years into our relationship, and since then I have had about 7 affairs. Not currently in one. At first it was cause he was never around. But now I don't know why? He hardly ever goes out of town anymore. He always come home after work (except for guys night out) and I have Girls night out the following day. (So that is not it). I don't want to end our relationship but I feel that I am not being fair to him, and I want to stop, but since I am not sure what I am getting out of it I am not sure how to stop.

I know I must be lacking something but since I think we are doing good in every aspect of our relationship I am not sure why I keep doing it.

HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sabor

1:18 pm
March 24, 2001


Molly

New Member

posts -1

Could be the rush? Who knows, maybe your a sex a holic, they do have 12 step meetings for this, but you can stop what ever you want to. Period

1:09 am
April 20, 2001


nkm

New Member

posts -1

Sabor,

As Molly said You CAN stop.
You said not cheating "now". What is now? a day? a week? a month? a year? QUE?
If I nad to guess what you are looking for is :
1 feeling that someone wants you.
2 don't like being alone. In some way he must still be leaving you alone otherwise you would not look for attention somewheres else.
3 The new of a reletionship. How long to those affairs last?
4 Being LOVED
Those are just my guesses.
You need to step back and look to see what is really missing cause there is something missing. Once you find it tell him what it is and see if he is willing to fix it. If not then you should Leave… no matter how long the relationship has lasted. cause it is not going anywhere FAST.

NKM

11:55 am
April 20, 2001


malaikau

New Member

posts -1

Sabor,

It's true you are not being fair to your partner. You are putting his life at risk everytime you are intimate with another partner. He has the right to be informed that his relationship with you is not a monogomous one so he can decide if he wants to risk a life threatening STD if he continues to be intimate with you.

However, the real issue might be how unfair you're being to yourself. It is apparent that you feel badly about your behavior. It is doing damage to your relationship with yourself, and your self esteem. Maybe this problem has to do with what you think you deserve to have in a relationship, whether or not you believe you deserve to be happy and loved. Maybe you are looking for your partner to catch you and then prove he loves you by staying, or prove you aren't worthy of love by leaving you. This is not a simple problem with one easy answer, that's for sure.

Sabor, I hope you will begin to ponder some of the things that are said to you here, and start on a path of self-awareness, self-respect, and self-love. You do deserve to have that empty place in your heart filled with something positive, nourishing, and loving.

Respectfully and sincerely,

Mal

6:05 pm
April 20, 2001


janes

New Member

posts -1

Mal… . right on….

Death is one of the things that can happen these days with more than one person in sexual relationship.

If a person has sex with 10 people and those 10 have had sex with 10 different people each…….the numbers are scary.

and it is heterosexual women who are rreally getting AIDS more and more…

Not to mention the increase in gonorhea, syphilus, clamydia (sp) and many more.

And the only SAFE sex…is no sex or sex with only ONE

1:14 am
April 23, 2001


Sabor

New Member

posts -1

NKM,
"Now" means I have not cheated in over a year. Not because I have not been able just because I really am trying to stop. You are right I guess I am looking for all those things… I have been thinking about it and whenever the "New" of the affair wears off I end it… sometimes hurting the other person cause by then he has begun to fall in love with me.
I know you are thinking if you have not cheated in over a year then why bring it up now…. Well the truth is that we have taken a tenant in our Garage Apt. (friend of his) This man makes my heart go Crazy… I will never cross that line cause they are friends and we are neighbors… but the temptations is there and it was getting to hard for me not to act on it. I am not sure if the interest is there but he always seems to wait till my B/F is asleep or not home to come by or call asking for mail. like right now it is 12MN here and he just came knocking on my Computer room window… What is that all about???

Malaikau and Janes

I have been very very carefull. I know the danger of having multiple partners and I am not ready to die or because of me being selfish or killing someone else, including the possibiliy of a child (when the day comes). Half the time these affairs are not so much sextual as they are just chillin with the person. there was one person that yes we kissed and talked about the Sex thing but never did. That is not really what I am looking for. I could really care less about it. I really try not to at all, sometimes when they insist I end it.

Malaikau,
As far as loving myself, your right I DON'T no real reason to… Very Long Story

Molly,
You could be right maybe it is a Rush. The Sexaholic thing NOPE. That is not what drives me to cheat.

Sabor

7:47 pm
April 23, 2001


malaikau

New Member

posts -1

Sabor,

If you aren't having sexual relationships with these other "partners", then you aren't really cheating, unless you feel like there is some kind of emotional betrayal occuring. Would you be willing to talk about this in more detail?

Also, with regard to the times that you have crossed the line sexually, I do understand the need for sexual intimacy. I only hope that you are not consistenty betting your life on a micro-millimeter thin piece of latex. Your life is worth way more than that.

I understand it can be very hard to learn to love yourself. We all struggle with this. It's too bad we can't see ourselves through the eyes of people around us. I have never met you, but just by reading your posts I can see many valuable qualities in you that any friend or partner would love!

I hope to hear from you again!

Sincerely,

Mal


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