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Help for Mother of Alcoholic Son!

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11:42 am
May 26, 2003


New Member

posts -1

My brother (52) has been drinking since he was a teenager. He never finished high school and has only had one serious female relationship in his life. He was out of work for 4 years, worked for 12 months and then has been out of work again for another 3 years. My poor mom, my Dad died 3.5 years ago and since then, she has been paying all my brothers bills,insurance, spending money,and even rent on his own apartment when she lives alone in a three bedroom house. I have tried for years to get her to cut him off and tell her she is doing him nothing but harm. She tells me it is her own business and not mine. She can't afford basic essentials like medicine and repairs on her home because she has no money from helping him. She is not in great health and he is as you can imagine, not doing so great. Alcoholism seems to catch up with a person. My problem is, she won't talk about this problem and I am beginning to hate my brother and not want to be around either one of them. It causes knots in my stomach.
I had confronted him and he agrees he needs to get his "act" together and she agrees she needs to have him move in with her and quit paying his bills. Still, nothing happens and this has gone on for years. I am the youngest in my family and the only girl. I am 46.
I worry about this all the time.

11:53 am
May 26, 2003


New Member

posts -1

As a recovering addict I can see that the only thing your mom is doing is being an inabler for him to get the help he truely needs or even realizing the help he needs, I sthere any alanon or programs that maybe your mom could attend to help her see taht what she perceives as helping is actually hurting his possibility of recovery Please don't get me wrong I am not trying to put hte blame on her but just suggesting she seek info to help with being a parent of an alcholic. Jene

12:08 pm
May 26, 2003


New Member

posts -1

I know she is greatly to blame, but she is so sweet and is only trying to help her son who she see's as "needing a little help" with his life. She doesn't drive a car and I could take her to meetings. I think she would be ashamed since she doesn't really talk about her feelings and never has. She is actually very shy and her and my Dad were not very social. Interacting with strangers is certainly not something she would have an easy time doing.
I will certainly check it out. Maybe just I can go…

I guess one thing that bothers me too is that I seem to be the one doing all the work and worrying.

1:09 pm
May 26, 2003


New Member

posts -1

seems a family type. they care about each other and I guess they both know.

say it to her a girl is greatly moved by mom's confidence in waiting for his son's change and her unselfish love towards her family. but the girl believes also her son at least should be start preparing himself reasons worth of such caring support. the process is hard everyone knows, yet attitude should come before support.

its very strong a mother to be proud of. yet set up a reseanable expectation line should be helpful. and ask your brother why he think he could take all these for granted? once he decided, things should be lot easier from there.

2:02 pm
May 26, 2003


New Member

posts -1

I understand where that is probably not the right option for your mom but may help you. I feel your pain knowing now what I put my family through it hurts to know what the disease of addiction is capable of and it is not a respector of persons. Prayers to you and your entire family. Jene

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