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Friend attempted suicide, what to do now?

UserPost

7:48 pm
February 9, 2002


backpac

New Member

posts -1

I have a friend that has practically alienated herself from everyone who loves her. She has in the last month said everything possible to hurt those of us who are close to her. Tues. of this week she took a bottle of pills and her little boy found her. She is out of the hosp. 48 hrs later and continue's to avoid us except to send each of hurtful email. What should I/we do? I've emailed her back and told her I cherished our friendship and hope to hear from her soon. I went on to tell her how important she is to us all. Where to go now, leave her alone or continue to reach out?

11:50 pm
February 9, 2002


SuzyQ

New Member

posts -1

Backpac,
I'm indecisive on how to answer you, b/c it's late, but I will do my best. As a therapist I would say find her some more treatment and yada, yada yada!!
However, as a person if you have a close enough friendship with her where you can confront her, fine. Otherwise, it may be time for you to just limit your interactions with her and then move on. If you feel the child is in danger contact the authorities. If she may be in danger, do the same. It's sad that she feels so bad about herself that she has to attempt to bring everyone else down with her. What's even worse is that she has a child. None of us have a perfect life. I originally responded to you out of concern for her, but now my concern is more for you. I recently broke ties with a friend b/c I felt she was constantly cutting me down. I noticed that she attempted to bring others down with her too and just broke the ties recently. I've never been into hurting others to make myself feel better. I guess I feel I can relate to your situation. My friend isn't suicidal, but has anger and legal issues.
Oh, well, I'll shut up already, but Good Luck!

12:24 am
February 10, 2002


mistressgypsy

New Member

posts -1

hey this girl sound too much like me. I say, this is just an opinion, that she is embarased about the whole suicide thing and is trying to act tough so that people will not be thinking about the attempt. She might be angry at everyone for not helping her sooner. Even though no one might have even known that she was needing help, in her mind she was reaking of needy and wondered why no one picked up on her subtle clues. She maybe was too afraid to come out and say that she needed help.

When I got out of the hospital in december for a suicide attempt, everyone acted different around me and that made everything worse. Just hang out with her like you always have. If she mentions the attempt than it is alright to act concerned. It is a tuff thing to be a survivor of a suicide attempt. She will need time to get back into the swing of things,

When I need someone instead of telling them I push them away like an idiot. Keep reaching out to her. She needs people right now more than ever.

12:43 am
February 10, 2002


SuzyQ

New Member

posts -1

backpac,
I reread your post and realized that you did email her and let her know how you cherished the friendship. At this point, it seems it's all you can do. I know it's a helpless feeling, I've been there, but she will have to make her own decisions. What you did was completely awesome despite her anger towrad you and everyone else (mostly herself, I'm guessing).

gypsy,
You may be right about this! We can all be angry for others not reading us, but in the long run we have the responsibility to get help! I'm so codependent plus I dated someone who committed suicide when I was 17. Okay, I am finally tired and need to go. Ciao!

1:16 pm
February 10, 2002


backpac

New Member

posts -1

Thanks u guys. I have felt she is trying to cut ties so it won't hurt that "we" can't always be there for her. I have a family (husband, 5 children) and run a business. She is very jealous of that. She is a single mom, with a son. (that's hard enuf) She has in the last few weeks practically let each of us (her close friends) know we should choose between our family or her. We love her and will continue to be there but I feel I must back off for a while to give her a chance to work through the rough spots. One of our closest and dearest friends is a clinical psychologist and I hope she can reach her soon. She (the psychologist) is going to contact this lady's psychiastric.(spelling…lol). Thanks for all your advice. You guys never let me down and pretty much reaffirm my thoughts. Hugs to all of u….

12:21 am
February 11, 2002


SuzyQ

New Member

posts -1

Backpac,
Maybe she is doing this. It's unfortunate. She seems threatened by you where I would tend to be more impressed by all you can do. That to me is the difference between unhealth and health. I'm not totally healthy, no one is. But I try very hard not to blame others for my insecurities. My tolerance for that kind of behavior is pretty low considering my situation with the friend I broke the ties with. Hopefully your psychologist friend will be able to talk to the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist may not give info. w/o a consent from her. The psychologist friend might still be able to give input though. Hopefully, it will all work out for the best. Good Luck!

6:23 am
February 11, 2002


guest_guest

Guest

give her time and space of her own, dont isolate from her completely, but she should know that ur there for her always. random advice?

6:39 am
February 11, 2002


Tinkerbe11

New Member

posts -1

Blondie: You did something really big for me today. You made me cry, after i read this last message. I wasn't crying becasue i feel sorry for you or whatever,but you are such a strong person.I don't know how you do it. You always have such a good answer for so many things.I really value you,as i do lots of other on here.

Love ya

Tink

6:52 am
February 11, 2002


Tinkerbe11

New Member

posts -1

Sure Blondie! I will,thanx. Warroir princess coming!!! ((((( Blondie)))))))

7:24 pm
February 11, 2002


HELEN B

New Member

posts -1

Backpac, I read your post and its brought back issues that I have with my sister,whom I have come to the conclusion that she wants to cut all ties with me and my family, its very painful but all I can say is thats her choice and I cannot control that. However I believe that we should still reach out regardless, we need to let them know we care and love them and that the door will ALWAYS be open but they can only walk through it when they are ready.

1:15 pm
February 12, 2002


Tinkerbe11

New Member

posts -1

If that was me-your friend, i would want you to leave me to do it.I know this isn't the answer,but that seems the only thing to do-die.( sorry pity pot coming out for tinker.)I know it would be in the best interest of your frined for you to help her,she will appreicaite it later on.Could you possibly help her to understand why she feels like this? And the most important thing EVER is to listen to her,show her you love her,even if she chucks it bk in your face.Keep on.

7:38 pm
February 12, 2002


backpac

New Member

posts -1

Well, she has responded to the only email I sent her. Now she has emailed me a second time telling me she just feels she cannot really talk right now. I have not contacted her but once until today. Luckily for all involved she is now peeking thru that little hole in the dark tunnel she must be in right now. Even though she says she cannot talk right now, she has sent me a couple of emails today. I responded to her last one and told her how much I loved her and that she did not have to talk to anyone unless she felt she really wanted to. I assured her I would always be here for her. I also gave her this web address in case she wants to join this community. Thanks to u all for your support.

10:57 pm
February 12, 2002


mistressgypsy

New Member

posts -1

I think you did the right thing.

11:44 pm
February 12, 2002


dakotarose

New Member

posts -1

Hi, I was suicidal a lot when I was younger I tried to kill myself at least 5 times.. Each time I was severely depressed and not able to bring myself out of it untill Id come so close to dying… The last time I drove my car off the road at 70 mph and should have been dead but only broke my leg.. That time I woke up.. I realized how close Id actually come to dying and losing the only thing thats worth anything in this world my life..All I can say is be there for her and be her friend because we need friends at a time like this and if you know of a preacher maybe you can have someone go visit her that happened to me and it really helped..i hope she gets help soon for her childs sake because he will be the one who will be hurt if she carrys through with her threat..

11:09 am
February 13, 2002


Cici

New Member

posts -1

Well, lemme see, about 2 weeks ago I was suicidal to the point that I was planning it out and I had barricaded myself into my room. My husband tried to talk me out but I was enraged. He called my bestfriend and she came over and stood by the door and didn't stop bothering me. I was pissed at first and I yelled at her to leave me the f*ck alone several times, I said some really hurtful things to her and she didn't even seem to notice. What snapped me out of my trance-like state was that she started crying and said, outright, "Please don't kill yourself."

Nothing more, no other explanation, but because it was so succinct and straight from the heart, I had no defenses. I opened up to her. We all know there are a million ways to say one thing. It's not what you say but HOW you say it.

Nowadays we are busy and to be honest, we let our friendships slip away. I mean, can you really say you are friends with someone if you haven't spoken with them in so long you can't remember the last time you had a conversation? I do it, I've done it. But lately I've been learning to value those relationships. I have my husband, my family (no kids yet) – parents, sisters, nieces and nephews, I work and go to school and now I volunteer at hospice, and I have a chronic illness that kind of screws me in the mobility area. But I know I need to reach out, now.

But in the depths of suicidal depression, you sometimes have forgotten HOW to reach out. Intuitive genuine empathy, like my friend showed me, is the best medicine.


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