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Fighting codependency
August 14, 2009
12:44 am
Backubacku
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Hi...Its been tough realizing the reality of being a codependent. I am healing from a break up (1 year ago) and have refrained from dating this whole time. It was a bad bad relationship with me giving everything of myself to a very abusive person. Been doing a lot of counseling and feel much stronger. I recently met someone who I was very attracted to. Well red flags went up during week 2, which normally I ignore and proceed on with the relationship. After an occurance (nonviolent or abusive, just icky)one night during week 3, I decided I could not date this person anymore as the red flags were just screaming at me. So I ended it. But now I am second guessing myself, wanting him back, bargaining with myself in trying to convince myself these red flags did not matter. I become moody, my world looks awful and I keep asking myself how in the world I could turn away from love. But this was a healthy choice right? These doubts and bad feelings are just coming from me challenging my codependency right?

August 14, 2009
9:04 am
guy99
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it is hard to tell if those feeling are you or your codependency. or at least in my eyes it is without knowing abit more about the situation and what these red flags were to you.

August 14, 2009
9:16 am
atalose
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Backubacku,

Your healthy radar went to work in regards to those red flags and the codie beast is trying to get you to doubt your decision, which was a healthy one!

It’s similar to an alcoholic who’s been sober a year then tries to bargain with themselves that having one drink won’t matter.

Yes your codependency is challenging the healthy decision you made.

And instead of asking yourself how you could have turned away from love, usher those thoughts right on out and fill your head with, it’s impossible for it to have been love in just a matter of a few weeks so your not giving up anything except one more un-healthy relationship that you don’t need!!!

Atalose ~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~
August 14, 2009
9:56 am
Backubacku
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Thanks so far for the input! Everyone who knows all of the details says I made the right choice. It is only me who is entirely doubting myself. It is scary how unconscious these thoughts and behaviors happpen and when they start to happen, I spiral out of control. Newly really realizing the codependency, it is hard to look at all of this stuff. But also the key to a healthy future.

August 14, 2009
11:07 am
lovin life
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don't "fight" codependency, embrace it! it is a part of you...work "with" it, learn about yourself, and this personality disorder called codependency. you can live with it, and make the right choices.

good luck to you!

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