when our partners are distant and unavailable, we struggle to understand why.
and if they don't provide us with answers, we end up with our own "imagined" answers.
and if we are insecure, we can easily "imagine" that our partners are cheating on us, and that's GOT to be the reason they are unavailable and distant….or some other "worse case scenario".
for me, I never truly understood what drove my mother to attempt suicide. I fully understand it NOW, but in my early years, I "knew", but couldn't "grasp it". And my father was always so mean to me.
My father used to threaten us kids that if we didn't behave we'd be the reason mom tried to kill herself again and perhaps she would succeed this time and it would be our fault.
I used to HATE him for manipulating me like that.
truth is, which I came to terms with in my late 20's, dad BELIEVED this, because he didn't understand the truth behind mom's illness. So, he IMAGINED the worst, and walked on eggshells trying to prevent it from happening.
So, perhaps in your mind, if you perceive your partner pulling back, cheating is the worse case scenario that comes to your mind….did anyone ever cheat on you or did someone in your family do it?
also, I think that part of the problem may be that you "resent" that he got to go out and have fun with his friends, while you went out with your family…..you may not have been jealous of the woman, per se, but that he got to go out, while you were tied to another responsibility.
I get irritable in those kinds of situation….the little kid in me wants to stomp my feet and shout "no fair"….like I did as a kid when my brother got to do fun things and I had to go babysit and make money….life was always "no fair" for me….I wasn't allowed to have fun and my brother got to have all the fun….so that part of my inner child was never healed and it lashes out once in a while when I feel like I am missing out on something "good".
just rambling, but figured you may find some answers in there somewhere.