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Does Therapy really help.. how do you know if you need it?
November 18, 2004
5:49 pm
Mantii
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Well, I do think I have issues but mostly if I think about them. I'm like really wishy washy - one minute happy then the next sad. I totally have relationship troubles... probably codependent and maybe that father complex thing although I support my guys.. oh gosh I don't now. I totally function fine and I own my home, have a job, one son... few pets... but I never feel relaxed... I'm a christian but I don't live by the bible too well (I just had a miscarriage) so I always feel guilty about that. It's like I'm always feeling guilty about something even if it's just my own beliefs...

so anyway -- what made you guys go pay millions for a therapist, the ones who did? I think I just want a person to talk to b/c my family is good but they think I'm crazy. Not "crazy" but just maybe crazy when it comes to men. I'll admit... men are my weakness.. not "men" but the "man" in my life...anyway... thanx!

November 18, 2004
6:19 pm
Katkeyper
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Are you manic depressive? Do you have mood swings? Do you have anxiety? Depression? All of the above? Sometimes even your regular doctor can determine symptoms and signs from you to see if medication is a start...or then determine if from there you need a therapist.

I've been to therapy prior to marriage counseling...and therapy for grief (four relatives died in two months)...I found them helpful in having an outlet to talk to someone who doesn't know me personally and who can help me talk through things and come to my own conclusions.

My ex-husband was diagnosed as manic depressive...he did fine at work, but couldn't function at home and in relationships - work was a coping mechanism - a sort of pattern. The pattern helped him manage his condition...but outside of work, it managed him...and let to our divorce.

I think if your gut is telling you there is a problem and you need some help - I'd certainly do so. You have to be strong with yourself before you can take on other relationships.

I wish you the best of luck!

November 18, 2004
6:27 pm
CAMER
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hi Manti, and welcome....you could always try local coda meetings if you log onto http://www.coda.org......as for therapy, i'd highly recommend it, I went to therapy for a few years and just attend local coda meetings now. A therapist can get to the heart of your problems, and dig deep into your soul, and usually, they go back to childhood..that seems to be where all the codependency stems from. It can be expensive, whether or not your work insureance will cover it, but I saved up money from my tax refund to talk with a therapist, and its helped me so much. I am almost like you, I have a great job, my own home, 2 dogs, a good life, except with relationships with men....thats
when I took the 1st step and went to therapy, and combined that with coda meetings weekly, and then joined this group. All of these benefit your life in some way. I wish you luck.

November 18, 2004
8:52 pm
mamacinnamon
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Hi Mantii:

My hubby and I went to marriage counseling. We chose Christian counselors (which I feel is important). But, if you don't both work on yourselves, and it is an every day undertaking, then it won't be any better than it is now.

Can you define the differences in the times you are happy vs. the times you are sad? Is there maybe a pattern to them? I ask because I am a happy little camper all day, but then when I know my hubby is headed home I get anxiety and sadness, then when he gets home I feel we are all walking on eggshells so as to not "set him off". My happy and sad can be linked to when I am alone and when he is home.

I find it hard to live the Christian life due to maybe my health or my home life or who knows. That is an every day struggle also.

Sorry about your miscarriage.

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