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Do your true feelings really come out when you're drunk?? I need an opinion...
July 19, 2005
3:12 pm
allwaysconfused
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I invited Dale, my "friend" or whatever the hell he is, to the Kinney Chesney concert with me, my sister, my cousin and a friend of my sisters last night. We were in a nice suite with a lot of other people. He and I have been "friends" for almost 5 years now. This was the first time we've ever been to a concert together. Anyway....we've been more than friends on and off the past 5 years. Right now were're just friends....but we kinda have these "free" days maybe once every month or so. My problem...or issue is that I am deeply, madly, completely in love with him....I have been since the first day we met. He knows it, but he's always said he just doesn't love me back the same way. Well...last night we were both pretty drunk and I did something stupid and he laughed and I said "you still love me?"...and he said "yes". Then I asked him if he really loved me...and he said "you want the honest truth??" I said yes....totally expecting the worse. He said "I think we would be married if you wouldn't try so hard". That took my breath away. I didn't say another word. Now I wish I would had asked a million more questions after that...like...did you mean married to each other or to someone else?? And does that mean you love me enough to marry me??? Anyway....please give me your opinions. I want to ask him about it, but I'm sure he wont even remember saying it to me and probably just blow off the conversation.

July 19, 2005
3:18 pm
kathygy
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What good is it if he just blows it off? If that's the case it doesn't matter if he loves you or not. Tell him what he said and see what he says. Then you will know.

love,
kathy

July 19, 2005
3:23 pm
revelation
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I think its a little more complex than that. I think when you are drunk, your inhibitions are relaxed and your guard tends to come down, so you say things that you wouldn't have the nerve to say when sober...but whether that is always "truth" is debatable.

It sounds to me from your story above that this guy is playing games with you. Note he said "I think we would be married if you wouldn't try so hard"
Thats BS honey....if Dale wanted to be with you, then you wouldn't have HAD to try so hard. I think you should take a step back from this relationship, give yourself some time away from him, to figure out how you feel. Never mind him....how he feels is beyond your control.
How you feel...well, are you sure you really are "madly in love" with him, or are you just madly in love with him, BECAUSE he has made himself unattainable. the only way you can figure this out is if you step back.

July 19, 2005
3:24 pm
revelation
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Kathy...we were writing at the same time, so now it looks like I'm dissing what you said, but honest I'm not, as I hadn't read what you said before I wrote!!!

Ooops, sorry!

July 19, 2005
4:07 pm
Anonymous
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When I have been drunk I have said lots of things that I wouldn't say in a sober state of mind....almost none of it the truth even though my inhibitions were down. I would have been more inclined to say something like what Dale said because it was something I thought you would like to hear and would...essentially...grease the skids to make 'free' days a little more frequent or available as needed rather than having to work at it next time I had the urge. But, in that state of mind I wasn't able to be a friend to anyone.

Just relfections of my past behavior, not trying to throw a bucket of ice-water on the situation. Good luck.

July 19, 2005
4:24 pm
allwaysconfused
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I just talked to him....and of course he said "I'm not going to have this conversation"....and had to get off the phone....:-(

July 19, 2005
4:30 pm
allwaysconfused
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I told him I wanted to ask him about something he said last night...he said he already knew what it was...and he said it and I was shocked....I said "did you mean it?" He said "Yes....we probably would be married now if you wouldn't had pushed so hard and all the things that have happend ruined any chance of that."

July 19, 2005
5:04 pm
revelation
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Hi there! Please don't give this guy anymore validation or satisfaction, he's a twat!

What an utterly stupid thing to say. I can't believe it but it seems like this guy is putting you on a guilt-trip for liking him too much.
Look, eventually you'll look back at this and wonder why you were bothered with him...honestly. I've chased after guys like him for years, what a waste!! Forget about him, move on, learn to love yourself for who you are, be confident, be self-assured, be independent, then you'll attract a like-minded bloke.

July 20, 2005
8:16 am
shyshy
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allways, yes this guy does sound like a twat. I wouldn't be bothered either. Sounds like he has an ego as big as Texas.

Take some pride in yourself and act like the prize that you are. If your madly in love with this guy then you probably shouldn't even be friends with him anymore because he's just going to keep squashing your feelings.

I wouldn't totally blow him off because then he will know he hurt your feelings and that just blows up his ego even more but hang with someone else for a change. Start detaching because I doubt you will get anywhere with him.

Just some food for thought, ever hear of the rubber band syndrome? Men are like rubber bands. They crave your attention and will seek it till they get enough of it. Once they get enough of it they start craving their space again. If you keep giving them attention they crave their space even more so they begin to "stretch" and try and get away to get their space. If you keep it up eventually that rubber band snaps and they walk or lose interest.

If you give them the space when they are craving it, eventually they tire of that too and start craving your attention again. (the rubber band goes back to it's original form).

Maybe he's stretching and if you leave him be for a while and do your own thing he will come back around. And when and if he does come back around, I wouldn't give him too much attention or validation.

July 20, 2005
2:42 pm
allwaysconfused
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thank you all for your advice. Dale and I have gone through so much together in these past 5 years. He and I met online in a chat room of all places!! I honestly can not imagine my life with out him in it now. I feel like he is my one true soulmate. I love him with all my heart and soul.

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