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Daughter molested by father

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4:04 pm
November 13, 2004


New Member

posts -1

Its been one year since she disclosed that her father had been molesting her. After all the trauma with CPS, the police, and court, nothing happened to him, and nobody believed us. In fact the judge said openly in court, "This did not happen." The father still had full rights to her, but thank god, refuses to see her until she recants. He has a another daughter and son that he might be molesting. His wife thinks my daughter made it all up. To make a long story short, my daughter will not discuss it at all through therapy or to me. She is having a great life otherwise. She's active and has many freinds, does great in school and sports. I know some day it will all come out. Until then, should I just leave it alone, or continue to press the issue and get her to talk about it?

4:05 pm
November 13, 2004



posts 43

How old is your daughter. How did she testify-what did she tell the judge? Why would the judge say it "didn't happen?"

4:09 pm
November 13, 2004


New Member

posts -1

Hey piper,

Honestly I wouldn't press the issue too much. I was also molested and there were just many things I did not want to admit because I was not ready to. But I also hate being pressured to talk about anything, I have to do it on my own terms. Can you tell us more, its hard to say without really knowing the circumstances.

4:27 pm
November 13, 2004



posts 62

Hello piper.I am also a victim of molestation from my stepfather.I can agree with maggalisa that you should not pressure her about it now.Give her some more time and pray that she opens up.I know that this is hard for you.That had happened almost to my other 2 daughters.My stepdad would feel on them and i saw and i immediately put a stop to it.and he's still in denial about it after all these years that he did not molested me.

I really do not even know how old i was when it really first happened.all i can remember is age 5 or 6 when i started noticing.

So it is real damaging to the mind and self esteem.I really hope she opens up to you because i know as a mother that you do not want her to develop mental problems.Not to worry you,but sometimes that happens for some people,not all.Hopefully that won't be the case with your daughter.Keep posting.

10:34 pm
November 13, 2004


New Member

posts -1

I just went through a simiarlar experience with my step daughter. She said that her father (my husband) had molested her. I know that he didn't but I never believed that the child made it up either.(at least on her own) The case was closed for lack of evidence. This child's mother was scornful because my husband refused to have an affair with her. I found out after he was accused of this that every time he would have the child either when she was picked up or dropped back off that she(the mom)would tell my husband these outragous lies about me cheating on him and things like that. I believe that either the childs mother told her what to say or the child was molested by another man in her life. Which this woman was not very choosy when it came to what kind of man she had in her daughters life. She always had some kind jail bird either just out (and on his way back)or on his way in for the first time. She told me once before all of this happened that one of the guys she was seeing that was really threatening and rough with her she would have him come and babysit her child in the evenings. Any way just my input. I would think about the other men in your daughters life also. Is there anything that would be a red flag if your child had of just said that someone molested her?

10:37 pm
November 13, 2004


New Member

posts -1

how old is she ? does she have side effects?like depression etc?maybe u should try sitting down with her talking 2 her about it

1:26 am
November 14, 2004


New Member

posts -1

Hi there,
I would suggest keeping your eye open for any big changes in your daughter's behavior. I think that a lot of times, depression, body image issues, etc. actually stem as symptoms of abuse. Obviously, if any of that starts to happen, you will need to have elevated concern.

It's good that she is talking to a therapist. How old was she when her father molested her (or, how many years ago was did it occur)? It is possible that some of this will not be fully realized until she experiences more on her own. Her having access to a therapist will always be helpful.

I definitely don't know the right answer to your question (if you should be asking or pressing her for more information). I think that is one that you might want to take to a professional. Also, it might depend a lot on your relationship with your daughter, and how she might react to such questions.

3:09 pm
November 14, 2004


New Member

posts -1

Hi, Thanks for your advice.

She is 10 years old, 9 when it occurred. She's doing great! She does have a desire to control what she eats and her weight. This could be a real concern, especially when she enters her teens.

The judge said it didn't happen. There wasn't enough evidence, and some how the father persuaded the detective to side with him. She showed up in court on his behalf. The fact that the detective did that really hurt our case in Family Court. It was determined inconclusive by CPS, which means that they couldn't say it did or did not happen. My daughter also accused 2 other men in the family. Nothing happened to any of them, except that it will show up on their record permanently.

As far as having other men in my life, that could be responsible for what happened is impossible. The only person that watches her is me! If she's not in school, she's with me. Nobody watches her. This was asked by the detective and others. If someone else did it then my daughter would have said who it was. Why would she accuse the wrong people? I would expect that a 3 or 4 year old would make a mistake like this, but not a 9 year old.

My concern now is that the father, since he got away with it, is molesting his other daughter, or eventually will when the water settles. But, I can't worry about his life, nor can I control what goes on in their family.

Anyway, thanks for your opinions.

11:48 pm
November 16, 2004


New Member

posts -1

Hi Piper.

I'm glad that your daughter is doing well. When my case got to the deposition phase (due to a plea, it never went further) the defense also tried to say that perhaps our 'allegations' had something to do with my mother's new boyfriend. They tried to twist the events around in many ways and it was painful.
The fact that that the detective spoke on behalf of the defense in your case is infuriating.

One thing that our mom was able to do after my father went scott-free was keep in touch with the state attorney so that if my father's name came up again they were reminded of it. Sure enough, he did this to another little girl after I was of an age that I was ready to testify, and the guilty s.o.b finally ended up in jail.

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