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Brothers who sexually abuse sisters…

UserPost

10:25 am
March 25, 2008


niamhx

New Member

posts -1

On this website it states :

''There isn’t a consensual sexual age for children. But we have the idea once children are adolescents, that it’s okay to have sexual consent or consent between adolescents. The general rule for statutory rape is a teenager having seemingly agreed upon sex with an adult more than 2 years older.

In terms of what’s abuse and not abuse for children? Brothers and sisters will sometimes experiment, exploring sexuality. In alcoholic families where boundaries and roles aren’t clear it’s much more likely to see brother’s and sisters who have experimented. But there is a line labeling abusive sexual behavior for young children and adolescents. Generally, if the children are only a year apart, and neither one has been manipulated or forced by threat into experimenting, this would not be considered sex abuse. This doesn’t mean there can’t be emotional damage; it might be a good idea for someone to get some counseling if this happened. Generally, laws regarding these "finer" lines between two young children depend on the state you’re in. In some states sexual abuse is labeled as 2 years between the children. But in many states, it is four years.
''

I was abused by my brother who is exactly one year older than me from the age of 14-17,but it was only touching me at night and it never went any further. But are they saying then that I wasn’t abused by him? So what was he doing to his younger sister? I feel like if he was a normal guy he wouldn’t do that to ANY girl let alone his sister! I don’t know what to think anymore. And it angers me to think this was merely ‘experimental’ on his part. A NORMAL AND SANE boy would not want to that? Am I completely mad or something to feel this way?

10:13 pm
March 25, 2008


peabody

New Member

posts -1

niamhx, i am so sorry that this happened to you. you were violated by a family member. i'm no professional, but common sense says that this is not normal. i would see a counselor for help working through all of this.

10:23 pm
March 25, 2008


Pressing

New Member

posts -1

Niamhx
I agree, If it was something that makes you angry, then it was abuse. I would definatley talk to a counselor about your feelings.

When they say children I think they are typically talking about younger children; a teenager is by no means playing Dr…sorry. He knew what he is doing at that age, it felt good to him and it made you feel terrible. How could that not be abuse.

I was abused by my brother once. When I was 7 and he was almost 9. I remember being scared and confused. He had me on the couch with the covers over us, he was on top of me and told me to be quite so my mom didn't hear, he put his hand over my mouth so I wouldn't make noise. I was afraid so I let him do it.

If it hurts you then it was abuse. You were not going along with it just cause you enjoyed it.
You have every right to be angry and I would certainly discuss those feeling with someone.

I can't believe I just put my brother issue out there, I have never told that one to anyone not even my couselor because I was ashamed of it.

Pressing

12:10 am
March 26, 2008


cerise

New Member

posts -1

That was certainly not normal, it is not uncommon either, many sisters around the world have had these experiences, but, he crossed the line and it is called incest for a clearer definition.
you could try counselling, reading the avaliable literature regarding incest among other self-help books.
Do you have any contact these days with your brother? Do you talk?
No it is not normalfor you to have gone through this and he was not behaving normal, many young men do do this to their siblings as a way of expressing control, some go on to bully and rape, some realise they have a problem, some don't do anything about themselves.
Be assured that you have the right outlook in your opinion regarding this and that you are a decent person that is allowed to question what he did and with the right help and care and support you will get past the trauma which happened in your crucial teenage years. Be kind to yourself as I hope you realise you are a better person for wanting to do something about this and you have gotten to the point where you are ready to heal, take care.
If you want to make him accountable for his actions back then, it may be helpful to ask a counselor which path you want to take.

9:44 pm
March 28, 2008


bonni

New Member

posts -1

when my sisters and i were young, under the age of 10, we had some experiences that I would classify as experimentation. only because i didn't know that it was sexual until I was in my 20s. I was the older one, so I guess I may have abused them. Though I had NO idea at the time what it was. It wasn't touching. I suppose it really involved masturbation. It maybe happened 3 or 4 times over a few years and as often between them completely without my involvement.

10:28 pm
March 28, 2008


Pressing

New Member

posts -1

Bonni,
Children do sexually experiment, I think more so in homes where parents are not as involved, not sure if your house was like that though.

I think the big difference is when one is forced to do something they are very uncomfortable with.If that helps.

10:57 pm
March 28, 2008


Worried_Dad

Member

posts 43

Hello, niamhx and welcome.

You have described socially inappropriate sexual behavior.

But you have not given us enough information about exactly what happened, and how you felt about it at the time to say for sure if what happened constituted "abuse" or even "Abuse."

You seem to be angry about it (?) which is a clue suggestive of abuse.
I would like to hear more of your story.

9:16 pm
March 29, 2008


bonni

New Member

posts -1

Thanks Pressing,
Who knows what really was going on? I don't think that anything was forced because they certainly resisted my influence in many other ways throughout our growing.

My parents were highly focused on our daily survival. They worked really hard for very little money and were always tired and cranky, but they did the best they could in the situation. I'll always feel they should have been more responsible about birth control. I feel strongly that you shouldn't have kids if you can't provide for them. but they did and we SURVIVED and that was their highest goal back in the day. Good news is that they evolved and are almost model parents now. Their hard work paid off eventually and they are ok financially and have goals and a limited quality of life. Many would have drowned themselves in booze, but they worked hard and they missed out on some of the few joys of parenting because they weren't there. but we all get along fairly well now and they really enjoy their grandchildren.

9:18 am
March 30, 2008


niamhx

New Member

posts -1

9:30 am
March 30, 2008


niamhx

New Member

posts -1

At the time when it started i told my mom exactly what was going on immediately probaly because i used to have such a good relationship with her. I know she believed me but she didnt quite believe at the same time, maybe she was just shocked. Naturally she was extremely upset. Unforuntately we were going through a terrible scenario with my father whos alcholism was literally at its worst. Thats part of the reason why i feel sorry for my brother because we used to be very close and he probaly held my dad up on the highest pedastal of all of us. and i feel like my dads abusive behaviour affected him the most., to the point where he has destroyed my relationship with my brother forever, because i never feel safe around and i never want to forgive me, the only thing i can try to offer is understanding. NOt that i still believe there has to be something sick and twisted in him for him to do to me regardless. I dont feel comfortable going into specifics, i guess the best way i can describe it is that he never forced himself IN me,just everything else. Which is why i also have to put things into perspective and since then i have read stories of what i condsider to be real horrific sexual abuse, and then i feel like an idiot for feeling sorry for myself when i probaly dont realise how lucky i had it compared to most. Having said that with my brothers abuse and fathers alcoholism(hes in recovery now, about 15 years too late) my teen years were very difficult, my self esteem was literally NOTHING, i went from being extremly out going with lots of friends to not wanting to socialise or be near anyone, i went through so called bouts of 'anorexia' and i even could barely leave the house for 6 months when i was 17. I felt like i didnt deserve to be around anyone. This year though im 20 and i finally moved out to go to college. Its probaly why im finally addressing it atleast in my own head, because its the first time in 10 years that i have had some clarity and free space to just think like a normal person. But whenver i come home at the weekends i find it really difficult to sleep knowing that he is so close by so next year im just gonna try and come home at term ends. ANyway sorry if i wasted anyones time becuase aalthough my mom tries to be understanding she tries to tell me that boy are just curious between 15 and 18, but i just find her trying to justify it extremely insulting. Its why i wont bring it up again because id rather not excuse his disgusting behaviour in my won head.

10:04 am
March 30, 2008


mamacinnamon

New Member

posts -1

Niamhx:

I'm sorry for your pain. I am not professional but here is what I believe.

IF you said NO then it is abuse. If you feel afraid to go home, afraid he will do it again, have no self esteem and are withdrawn then to me that is abuse.

When you do go home on the weekends do this for yourself. IF he tries to do this again tell him very sternly NO. If he does not respect your verbal NO then start screaming at the top of your lungs. When your folks come running in, and I would hope they would, tell them right then. Whether they believe you or not it will have stopped it from happening that time. If this does not work for you then you have every right to get a restraining order against your brother. This is a long difficult way to go thru the courts and it is hard on family, but you do not deserve to be treated in a manner that is causing you so much pain.

I also want to suggest you see a counselor. Campus should have a free one. You could ask for a free counselor thru social services but then a case worker will be involved.

Did you say you have younger sisters? If you do honey, you owe it to them to stand up and stop this now. If you folks are allowing your brother to do this to your detriment then they are wrong also.

YOU can stop this from happening again. Please do for your own sake.

(((((niamhx)))))


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