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Being married to a doctor

UserPost

6:04 am
December 29, 2005


doctors_wife

New Member

posts -1

I have recently met a doctor (surgeon). He has a wonderful personality and i laugh a lot around him. Although i am enjoying my time, i would not like things to go any further, until i have had the opportunity to consider his line of work more closely. As i am looking for a long term relationship. Is anyone married to a doctor, and can you let me in on what it is like being married to one. Particularly relating to your husbands time. I am a female who i feel i need attention. Although i am able to do things independantly, however i dont want to sleep alone, eat alone, and in general be "married" to an empty home.

Is life as a doctors wife as really as lonely as some people say, or is it worse for some and not for others?

6:26 am
December 29, 2005


CAMER

Member

posts 100

welcome…..i am not able to answer, but i do have a freind who is married to a doctor (surgeon) and his schedule is always changing shifts, and he is "on call" alot. My friend doesn't mind this cuz they still do spend quality time together, maybe not as much as they want.

Enjoy your time with your doctor friend for now, and find out what his schedule is, cuz he can be the one to answer that for you.

Would you be willing to sleep alone a few days a week or do you want someone with a regular schedule???

Good luck!

7:11 am
December 29, 2005


nvr2late

New Member

posts -1

I almost wonder if that would not be a great situation…
you could make the best of your limited time together, and then you would have a little alone time to keep working on yourself!

I don't know, it was just a thought that maybe being with someone constantly is not the answer?

and, hey…an added plus, if you ever need anything done, they would know the best doctors! :)

7:51 am
December 29, 2005


helpplease

New Member

posts -1

Hi DW, consider the opposite, being married to someone who's unemployed or at home all day. There's something about your question that intrigues me. I've never thought of marrying a doctor as being something you should worry about. Most people who I know who are married to doctors happen to actually be in very good marriages. They are financially well-off, they care about each other but they're like every other couple out there, except that perhaps this is a career where you really don't have to worry about a lay-off. Yes, the hours can be stressful but you can say that about a zillion other jobs…

8:12 am
December 29, 2005


Isis

Massachusetts

Member

posts 40

It's really not so bad. My husbands specialty is internal medicine and his practice is rather large so his time on call is not so bad. His days are long though as he makes hospital rounds in the early morning hours then goes to his office and sees patients generally from 9am to 5pm and usually heads for home anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30 in the evening. Thursdays he leaves the office after lunch to make nursing home rounds and then checks in at the hospital before he heads home. We have four children to manage who all have busy schedules as well. He's very organized with his time and has always been able to run six to ten miles a day (usually during lunch) and he also volunteers what little extra time he has to help coach our kids hockey teams (and plays men's pick-up when he can).

As far as time together we have plenty. We have a date night at least once a week where we go out to dinner, catch a movie or go shooting. Today we are heading north to go skiing. We're coming back Saturday to pick up the kids and head back with them to ski Sunday and Monday. Most evenings we spend together wrapping up homework with the kids and just chilling watching TV etc. He is tired at the end of the day and usually falls asleep by ten. That's when I finish the laundry and make lunches for the kids.

All in all we do just fine. He is very devoted to his work and family, yet always seems to find some time for himself. The running keeps him sane and focused.

I hope this helps.
Happy New Year,

Isis

6:44 pm
December 29, 2005


doctors_wife

New Member

posts -1

I guess it is true, the side of finances i never would have to worry about. Which is a thing i wud like to have in a husband, financial stability. The thing i am afraid of is that i have the tendency to become co-dependant (i have seen it in the past), i get EXTREMELY lonely, and i do get quite clingy. I would like to work to becoming a stable women, however i would like a husband who doesn't always rush off. This man i speak about is just entering the beginnning of his career as a neurologist.

The thing i worry of, is i was once in a relationship with a man, emotionally it was very rewarding, but it didnt turn out for various reasons. I still think about the romance we had and the support i received from this man.

I would like to make a go of it with the new doctor, but i care more about happiness than money, and i worry a lot about lonliness as i have not many friends, very few infact, and a very small family. So basically i look for company in a husband too.

6:51 pm
December 29, 2005


chloeysmomma

New Member

posts -1

well heres my advice small to say the least i wish i were married to a dr if u dont have alot of friends were all starting a new year so go out and make some friends being a drs wife cant be all bad but i too feel alone in my marriage with my hubby now back at work so i understand iam here for u if u want a friend hugs chloyesmomma

7:22 pm
December 29, 2005


Shaney

Member

posts 4

I'm engaged to be married to a fire captain who is gone for two days at a time on his regular shifts, and can be gone up to 20 days at a time during fire season. I love this schedule as it gives me time to myself, to shop, clean, see friends, have alone time, sleep in, take a weekend trip…. whatever it is that I need or want to do. In my opinion, and in my experience with him, we have more than enough time together. There are a couple of times during the month that he has 7 or 8 days off in a row. After a couple of days of recouping, and a couple of days of him schlepping around the house, I'm ready for him to go back to work. All kidding aside, we have a nice time together, but alone time is very important as well. It's healthy to want a partner around, not to necessarily NEED a partner around. Hugs to you – Shaney

8:49 pm
December 29, 2005


Lass

New Member

posts -1

Doctor's Wife,

I agree with Shaney. My husband is gone an extremem amount. Most months out of the year he is gone 20-25 days. This is hard, and too much. A doctor won't even come close to this kind of away time. I do get to do a lot of independent work and interests. I am the kind of person who would sublimate my own needs for his if he were around, so it is a kind of boost to my individuality.

The universe has a way of giving us the situations we need to work on the lessons that are ours to learn.

LL

5:10 pm
December 30, 2005


Matteo

New Member

posts 2

I think the most important is not how busy his schedule is but where his priorities are. I think you can do the best out of being in that kind of relationship, if you would feel loved and supported by him. But then I would ask myself question, if he will be able to give you that support and love you need – and if there is anyone who would? Maybe you should look deeper into yourself to look for an answer to that.

On the other hand if he appears to care about his carrer the most, you will always be on second position in his life, he will not make chamges.

I agree, there is a lot to think about. I am always looking at how much time men spend at home. Neither too much, nor too little is promising. Just don't rush and see how things go, after a while you will be able to see what is going on.

12:47 am
December 31, 2005


doctors_wife

New Member

posts -1

Thank you for all your advice. I guess the hardest thing about relationships is not knowing how they will turn out. Some say that is part of the fun, but because serious relationships take a large commitment, and then marriage an even bigger commitment, it would be nice if we could minimise some of the risks.

Much of the problem is, we live in separate cities. So most of our contact is through email, and when we do meet, it will be during his holidays, or mine.

Although a doctors salary is a nice bonus, i am not concerned with this persons salary. I am mostly looking for a man that i can share my life with, whom loves me, and whom i know i can rely on for support when i need to.

The think i dont like about these posts sometimes is who people on these posts seem to take the words "support" "rely on" etc as bad.

I mean a balance here. Ofcourse i would love myself, and be in a healthy place to choose a healthy guy, but sometimes when life gets u down, or you get stuck, you do need "support" or someone you can "rely on". That is what i believe marriage is all about.

I guess not knowing much about doctors i just wondered how hectic their schedule was, but i as some of you put it, it is all about where the persons priorities are.

9:48 am
December 31, 2005


taj64

New Member

posts -1

Well consider the quality versus the quantity. I feel quality overrules quantity anyday. You said you just met him though. So I wonder why you have thoughts about marrying him so early on. I would give the relationship a lot more time before marriage is considered.


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