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Affair with best friends husband…..

UserPost

10:34 am
July 26, 2006


allwaysconfused

New Member

posts -1

I've had the same best friend for 18 years and I've known her husband just as long. I've been married for 10 years and she's been married for 11. We all went to the same high school together. I've never had any interest in her husband but everyone has always said that we're just alike….we're both just easy going and silly acting and have the same kind of attitude towards life. He's a great guy. My husband is not very fun….always judging me on everything i do and say. My best friend and her husband have three children….I have one. Getting to the point…. Two weeks ago on a friday night they invited us and another couple over to their house for an adult-only party (meaning no kids, just adults). We all got pretty drunk and ended up in the hot tub (with suits on) and then we decided to get out and go watch a movie in the basement. So I got out and went to the master bathroom to change back into my clothes and as i was changing my best friends husband walked in on me….we both started laughing and he said "i see your boobies"…next thing I know we're kissing!!!! Then we heard someone walking in so he ran out and i finished changing. I couldn't believe what had happened!!!! I just tried to pretend it didn't happen and i went downstairs with everyone else. Then my best friend wanted me to look at something on the computer with her and everyone was going to bed and then she said she needed to go to the bathroom and then her husband came over and sat beside me at the computer and he started telling me he's never done that in 17 years and he said that he's always thought I was beautiful and he said he remembers the first time he saw me when i was 17 and i was dating this guy and i walked into the movie theater and he said he remembers thinking "wow, she is so beautiful". And he said he looks at pictures of me in their albums. I was just shocked…I never knew. I just kept thinking…it's just the alcohol. Well, the next morning i just pretended nothing happened. Then the next friday we went to a lazer show with them and the kids and we were alone for a few mins and he told me "i guess i can't blame these feelings on the alcohol since i've seen you again". I don't know what to do….last night he called my house and wanted to talk to my husband about a trailer and I said he wasn't there and he told me he missed me and wants to see me again. What do i do?? I'm attracted to him…..and i know he's attracted to me…this is crazy i know!!!! Help!!!

10:40 am
July 26, 2006


CAMER

Member

posts 100

wow,…..you first need to decide if what your doing is worth it, being best friends with your gal friend and then kissing her husband.

Think about the ones who could get hurt in this, your husband who doesn't know and your best friend who doesn't know either.

Are these feelings worth any thing of
what you could do down the road and how do YOU honestly feel about what is going on??? are there things missing in your marriage that you seem to like in this your bf's hubby???

10:43 am
July 26, 2006


Notsure

New Member

posts -1

Well I certainly don't think there is an affair here…….just a few loose lips caused by a little liquor fuel.

However you can move from "no affair" to potential to actual pretty quickly.

So the real question is "do you want to have an affair?" It seems like he does. Since the pump has been primed it is now up to you. Just remember that affairs rarely work out, and that if it does happen, that you stand a good chance of losing your own marriage as well as your best friend's friendship.

Be strong, think clearly and good luck. Regards. Notsure

10:44 am
July 26, 2006


caraway

New Member

posts -1

Always, DO NOT DO THIS!! This will forever change your life and that of the people involved.

If you were to give in and get into a relationship you would never be able to trust each other. Think about what this would do the innocent parties, your spouses and children.

If you are bored and the relationship with your husband is over; LEAVE. Don't mess up someone elses'life. You will hate yourself for giving in. While the attention and excitement feel good now the guilt will surely destroy you…. BAD KARMA.

You don't want to be on "Jerry Springer".

Cary

10:51 am
July 26, 2006


allwaysconfused

New Member

posts -1

I know it's wrong…I've had an affair in the past with someone i met online. I'm not really happy with my marriage and all we do lately is argue. I just can't help but being addicted to the attention and feeling flattered that he thinks of me in this way now. All we did was kiss and touch a little…and he kisses so perfectly and it felt so natural…but we were drunk and I would love to kiss him once while we were sober….it's intoxicating!!! I know I shouldn't…but if i don't…will i always wish i would had???

10:55 am
July 26, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

I would not pursue it. I was the other woman. Im single, and he was married. I fell for him, he fell for me. There is ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD that comes from an affiar. Everyone involved gets hurt. Nip it in the butt before it goes anywhere. Attractions can happen in a marraige but lead to devastation. Somebody, at least one person is going to get hurt terribly. Attraction is one thing, easier to deal with, than going through with it because once it happens you can never go back and you will regret it. A second of pleasure will lead to a lifetime of hurt. Trust me, I know. Cause I am still dealing with my own feelings for a man who decided to stay with his wife and also know that they too probably will have a lifetime of no trust. How can you trust this man anyway? How do you know if he is real or not?

10:56 am
July 26, 2006


lovinglife

Member

posts 9

This would not have a happy ending, oh yeah without a doubt a fun, exciting start, but not a happy ending. Lose respect for yourself, lose your bestfriend, lose your husband, lose the life you have right now, all for what? A few exciting feelings that won't last anyhow? Not at all worth it.

Give you alot of credit for reaching out for advice and questioning the sitz. I think you know what you need to do. Good luck.

10:59 am
July 26, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

Well if you are not happy in your marriage and you cannot repair it and have done all you can in it so that you know it will not work, then think about getting it on with someone else. I would seek counseling first to deal with why you are not happy first.

10:59 am
July 26, 2006


lovinglife

Member

posts 9

oh and his has 3 children that = lots of child support. And when they get divorced over this and he has to still go back and see his then ex-w-…..oooooh will you be jealous because he is a man that can't be trusted.

11:02 am
July 26, 2006


lovinglife

Member

posts 9

Taj64 is right- if your unhappy in your marriage then get out. But leave your best friends life alone.

11:03 am
July 26, 2006


Guest

posts

Stop drinking. Stop drinking around him and them. Evaluate your friendship with your girlfriend. Do you want to ruin all these lives and break up two families??? Take some giant steps backwards. Ask yourself how much you want this to become public knowledge.

Two weeks ago I went out for pizza with my sister and her grandchildren, and we took a neighborhood kid with us because there was this huge scene going on in their (brand-new, very nice suburban) neighborhood. Apparently, all the new people had settled into their new homes and were getting to know one another and partying with each other and having a great time. Then one father from one house sleeps with a mom from another house……….the 10-yr-old girl we took out to pizza with us was the daughter to the man in this affair. Her mother and her grandmother were standing out in front of their house screaming obscenities at the neighbors and the little girl was crying and her mother WANTED us to get her away from the neighborhood. It was so painful to see those families being ripped apart.

If he is hitting on you …. he is not a good guy…. he is a guy who drinks too much and does not weigh the consequences and will ruin your life.

Your marriage deserves to be worked on. Your child deserves two devoted parents. Your friend deserves this as well.

You have some accountability. I am sure the flattery is awesome, but you have some integrity and you HAVE to be able to see that nothing good will come of this.

11:06 am
July 26, 2006


allwaysconfused

New Member

posts -1

I've never known this man to do anything that would cause me not to trust him. He said he's never cheated on his wife even when they were dating. I know it is wrong…and it's not worth the hurt that could cause if we were found out…but it is so tempting. I know he would never leave her and I would never ask him to…that is not what I want. I think I'm just experiencing the "high" from having another man interested in me. I've always thought my best friend was always so much more beautiful than me…she's tall, thin and has been in beauty contests. I'm just plain…the girl nextdoor type. Should I just talk to him and maybe we can just talk about all of this?? I want to call him at work, but I'm scared….he works about 5 mins from me. My bestfriend is a stay at home mom…I work full time. What should I do?

11:07 am
July 26, 2006


caraway

New Member

posts -1

Always,

How may affairs have you had?

Cary

11:08 am
July 26, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

The children should be thought of first. How would it be that all of you are friends together and then switch partners and how would the kids deal with this. It is just a sad future, one that is best not started. And first and foremost, think of your husband's feeling right now, that would be enough to say no right there. Just because you are arguing and not getting along doesn't give you the right to go and kiss someone else. This is exactly what happened with me. My married man was having problems when he met me. But they are working it out, got over it, and me, I became so destraught I could barely live with myself for a very long time. Im better now, I get on here to especially help people that get into these situations. It took a long road for me to recover. What you are doing is heading down a path of destruction, nothing short of it and you are denying it if you think you can handle it.

11:10 am
July 26, 2006


Loralei

New Member

posts -1

Lovers are easy to find. Best girlfriends of 18 years are not. It may feel thrilling, but there is nothing more to it than that. Work on your own marriage instead of ruining someone else's. Enjoying a little pleasure isn't worth the pain that would follow. Believe me, I've been there. You are playing with fire. It isn't worth it. You are only wanting to feel better about yourself. But if your best friend found out, you would feel worse than you could ever imagine.

11:15 am
July 26, 2006


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

They have a saying I have heard 100 times,"A drunk man's actions are a sober man's thoughts"….I would avoid drinking around these people anymore,and no matter what happens,you will be blamed for the demise of your friend's relationship if you allow this man to continue pursuing private moments with you.I would make it clear to myself that this man made a commitment to his wife and kids to be a good and faithful husband….he probably will cheat eventually if he hasn't already,just don't be the one he cheats with.If your marriage has difficulties,or you want out,have the courage to put an end to it on your own terms,not anyone else's,or seek help to repair…but don't be killing 2 birds with 1 stone so to speak.As far as your friend goes,let her find out what kind of scuzzball she's married to,don't be the bearer of bad news,she will blame you.She will se it in her own time without you pointing it out to her.It is true what Taj said,"A second of pleasure will lead to a lifetime of hurt."In closing I think I will use an addage I heard once…."If he can leave his wife for another woman,why couldn't he do the same thing to the other woman with yet another".

11:17 am
July 26, 2006


Guest

posts

Look, it is not a question of whether you can do it and not get caught.

How much is the self-indulgence worth? Are you jealous of your friend's beauty and want to even the scale by doing this?

Why are you looking to a man's attentions for your own good feelings?

Sorry to be sounding so harsh. I just saw so much pain from action like this…..

really, just stop contact with him. The wanting to "talk" to him about it is just a coy way of playing at saying "no", when you love the game.

11:18 am
July 26, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

yes I understand the high. I was so high the first time we got together. But shortly there after she found out because low and behold he had cheated on her a few times before me and caught on quickly and called me. This went on for 3 years of my life. We were only physical a few times during the 3 years. It developed into emotional. Emotional affairs are a lot harder to get out of. Once she found out, it was nothing short of pain for everyone. Im telling you, don't go there. I became the trophy wife. It was flattering to him, it was all about him. He enjoyed having two women fight over him. The flattering attention you get right now might seem like a high, but that will fade very quickly so it is not worth the effort to go over and test the waters. You are swimming in dangerous waters. Oh and I was the one that was beautiful to him and maybe his wife was not as beautiful but eventually I was not as beautiful to him and I was dumped. I can give you quite an earful of how it was for me. What I thought was an amazing connection (my soulmate), turned into total chaos for my life. Im more at peace and have a better understand of what to see in finding a healthier relationship. But it took living through this one for me to see it. The kids most of all don't deserve this, and neither does your husband even if you are not getting along. Like I said, deal with that first, end it there. And if you have no intention of ending it, and still considering making out with the friends husband, then you are clearly asking for a divorce, plus the end of a long time friendship, plus losing self respect and respect among everyone in your life.

11:19 am
July 26, 2006


allwaysconfused

New Member

posts -1

define affair….if you mean just sleeping with another man….honestly, I've had 5. If you mean a real emotional affair, only one with a man i met online 6 years ago…whith whom I still see and speak to and consider him one of my closest friends. He was married when we first met and now he is divorced. The last time we slept together was this past april….but he has currently been seeing someone now for the past month. My husband only found out about this one the first year we were together…it was a huge mess. He says we can't be together because of all the things that have happened between us and his ex-wife hates me and he has a 6 yr old son and she will not allow me to be around him but she knows we are friends. He is everything i've ever wanted in a man and we have that connection you see in old people who have been married for 50 years. I love him dearly…probably more than any non-related person in my life. I told him about this situation…but he really had no advice…i think maybe he was a little jealous…he doesn't like it when i talk about other men. Anyway…that's the truth.

11:28 am
July 26, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

WEll you've got problems alright. Im not about to go there anymore. You are in complete denial of yourself. It seems as if you don't want to learn the lesson the first time around. You are already experienced. Go for it then but you are deliberately hurting others for your selfishness. Like I said no good is coming from it but you seem to think it is ok and it is not.

11:36 am
July 26, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

Affair to me is anything outside the marraige that you would do with your husband with someone else. Kissing another man to me is having an affair. Developing feelings for antoher man is having an affiar. Im sure there are other definations out there but to me anything that will hurt the partner is an affair or cheating. I think you know what cheating and affair is to you so I don't know why you would ask what the definition of it is after you have already slept with another married man while married. That is so absurd. Are you sure you not trying to rile up some of us here? Sorry to be heated up but you seem like were naive in the beginning but as I learn more, you know exactly what you are doing and how to do it. So why you asking us if is ok to go there?

11:43 am
July 26, 2006


Guest

posts

I was wondering the same things, Taj.

Alwaysconfused, can I ask how old your child is?

11:47 am
July 26, 2006


nappy

New Member

posts -1

My sister is having affair with a man that she has been knowing for a long time. She has been with her husband for 17 years. They both have raised her children and have went through alot with each other. My sister husband didn't know what it was to have a family and a hard working wife, work and household. He wasn't kind to her kids or her. As life went on, my sister lost weight and really started to see herself for who she was. Her husband didn't notice her, even when she lost the weight. Over time my sister has been seeing this guy. My sister goes to church and starting asking god to change her, well in the process god was changing her husband instead. He has change so much. He even join church this past sunday. Her husband is starting to see his family now and he is wanting a real relationship with my sister as his wife but she will not let go of the other man. They even go to marriage counseling after church and is very active with other couples in the church but my sister will not let go of this other man. I told her that there is going to be alot of people that is going to get hurt. Not her children because they knows about the other man. I think is because of all the emotions that her children had about there stepfather. My sister only has one child left in high school and this is his last year, my sister is going to leave her husband when this child finish high school. My brother in law is going to be hurt. He is not going to know what has hit him. I know that my sister is scared because that mean that after this one goes to college, she will have to face her husband on a one on one and she doesn't want to. Affairs is not good and they will come back on you. I can't judge my sister because I understand why she did it but it is not right. Peoples don't understand that you can't play with other people feeling and then think that there life is going to be ok. It will not.

12:09 pm
July 26, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

I agree with Nappy. I can now understand how I got involved with a married man. It is wrong but Im coming to terms with my part in it. My life will never be the same as a result. I can only try to make the best of what I have now. I suffered a lot of hurt because of someone who decided to cheat just because he was not happy in his marriage and because he was torn between two people. You cannot play on feelings as if you know the outcome. You do not realize that by pursuing it that this man is not thinking along the same lines as you, as someone who just wants to play and make behind closed doors a little more exciting. He may have something completely different in mind. I don't understand your naivity here and if people such as the ex wife of the married man hate you it is because of your actions, duh. What did you expect? Do you expect that your best friend will still be your friend? She will not be your friend. She must not mean much to you to even think about what is your head right now. If it didn't work out with the married man and that is reason you can't be together, duh. End something before you start something. Im glad you wrote, cause this stirred me up. It makes me think of what a loser my ex is, and what a loser his wife is. She cheated too. Hope all to pieces they live happily ever after in their cheating lives. They use people because they don't look at their own marriage. I now seek a loving, faithful man because that is what I deserve. Maybe someday it will happen. Only when I recover from all the damage that cheating does. I stay very far from a married man. And they get the "what for" when they do cross my path. I hope you can think twice about it, that is pretty much the best I can say to you in your search for an answer.

12:25 pm
July 26, 2006


allwaysconfused

New Member

posts -1

my son is 3 yrs old. I'm not making any of this up…i've posted on here many times regarding my 6 yr affair and it's problems.


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