Helping a loved one | Alcohol Rehab Programs | Forum

I know they say you can't help someone who refuses to help themselves, but my best friend's mom is an alcoholic and seriously needs help. She went through several rehab programs in 2009 and she was clean for a year, but relapsed a few months ago and is now just as bad, if not worse, than before. She is now refusing treatment and I'm afraid if she doesn't get help soon she's going to end up killing herself. If anyone here has advice on how to help my friend help her mom I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Thanks for the support, Tommy :) It does seem that distancing is the only answer at this point. I found out last night that she went through a 72 hour detox program last weekend and then went home and got drunk. The rehabs are basically refusing to take her at this point – they are suggesting that she move into a sober living (halfway house) environment, but she naturally wants no part of that. I just can't believe this. I've known this woman almost my whole life and everything was fine. Then three years ago she completely changed. It's all so much to take in. Anyway, thank you for the kind and understanding words.

Betty, I agree with dtypist – if she has only been problem drinking for the past three years, something is likely to have brought it on.  Did she recently lose a loved one, a job…go through a divorce or a breakup?  I'm guessing she is in her 60s or so, and that is a stressful age to be in this day and age.  Many people are losing jobs, unable to find another job, and do not have enough money where they say they can stop working.  It's also an age where women often lose their husbands whether by death or divorce/infidelity.  What's going on with her?

Then she is losing something, her time. Still, I guess she has a problem and she keeps it to herself. If were in your shoes, I would try to make the best of her time and forget about her problems. Besides most alcoholics drink in order to forget their problems.

Tommy45 said:

Unfortunately, it really is difficult to help someone who won't help themselves. Does your friend's mom care about your friend or anything else in her life? It's important to try to make the mom see how much she is hurting her daughter and others. Everyone in the mom's life must be firm in not supporting her and this destructive behavior. Going beyond that, if your friend's mom still doesn't want to go to treatment, then I think your friend has to try to distance herself from her mom as much as possible, for the sake of both of them. Putting up with someone who is at this stage just enables them, harsh as that sounds. It's a very painful, difficult process, and I wish your friend and her mom all the best to hopefully get through this.

Hi Tommy45:

Unfortunately, the alcoholic won't see anything as important to himself or herself.  Especially those who like Bettyann's best friend's mom, who have been in and out of rehab programs.  I think that some counselors would see the need to identify the root of her drinking and then stop it right there.  If she drinks because she's lonely, she would be advised on how to find new friends and keep old ones.  Alcoholism is a disease but it's also a behavioral problem.  Like most behavioral problems, you need to find out what causes the negative behavior and stop it at that. 

It is truly sad but sometimes alcoholics have to lose everything that they do value before they will change and even then they sometimes don't change.